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When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing - Daniel H. Pink

— books, self-help — 59 min read

About the book

cover

Personal Summary

  1. Find your chronotype (lark, third bird, or owl) and schedule your most important work for the time of day when you're most alert. For example, if you're a larkish lawyer drafting a brief, do your research and writing fairly early in the morning. If you're an owlish software engineer, shift your less essential tasks to the morning and begin your most important ones in the late afternoon and into the evening.
  2. Beginnings, endings, and in midpoints: keep your motivation high at different times for different reasons. For example, the beginning of a project is a great time to boost motivation by connecting the work to a higher purpose. The end of a project is a great time to boost motivation by celebrating small wins. And the midpoint of a project is a great time to boost motivation by reminding yourself of the progress you've made and the potential for future success.

Table of Contents

PART ONE. THE DAY

1. The Hidden Pattern of Everyday Life

How To Figure Out Your Daily When

  • First, determine your chronotype, by answering these 3 questions:
  1. What tine do you usually go to sleep?
  2. What tine do you usually wake up?
  3. What is the middle of those 2 times (mid point of sleep)?
  • Second, determine what you need to do. Does it involve heads-down analysis or head-in-the-sky insight? (Of course, not all tasks divide cleanly along the analysis-insight axis, so just make the call.)
    Are you trying to make an impression on others in a job interview, knowing that most of your interviewers are likely to be in a better mood in the morning? Or are you trying to make a decision (whether you should take the job you've just been offered), in which case your own chronotype should govern?
  • Third, look at this chart to figure out the optimal time of day:
Your Daily When Chart
LarkThird BirdOwl
Analytic tasksEarly morningEarly to midmorningLate afternoon and evening
Insight tasksLate afternoon/early eveningLate afternoon/early eveningMorning
Making an impressionMorningMorningMorning (sorry, owls)
Making a decisionEarly morningEarly to midmorningLate afternoon and evening

For example, if you're a larkish lawyer drafting a brief, do your research and writing fairly early in the morning. If you're an owlish software engineer, shift your less essential tasks to the morning and begin your most important ones in the late afternoon and into the evening. If you're assembling a brainstorming group, go for the late afternoon since most of your team members are likely to be third birds. Once you know your type and task, it's easier to figure out the time.

How To Figure Out Your Daily When: The Advanced Version

For a more granular sense of your daily when, track your behavior systematically for a week. Set your alarm to beep every 90 minutes. Each time you hear the alarm, answer these 3 questions:

  1. What are you doing?
  2. On a scale of 1 to 10, how mentally alert do you feel right now?
  3. On a scale of 1 to 10, how physically energetic do you feel right now?

Do this for a some personal deviations from the broad pattern. For example, your week, then tabulate your results. You might see trough might arrive earlier in the afternoon than some people or your recovery may kick in later.

To track your responses, you can scan and duplicate these pages, download a PDF version from my website.

What To Do If You Don't Have Control Over Your Daily Schedule

The harsh reality of work-whatever we do, whatever our title is that many of us don't fully control our time. So what can you do when the rhythms of your daily pattern don't coincide with the demands of your own daily schedule? I can't offer a magic remedy, but I can suggest 2 strategies to minimize the harm.

1. Be aware.

Simply knowing that you're operating at a suboptimal time can be helpful because you can correct for your chronotype in small but powerful ways.

Suppose you're an owl forced to attend an early-morning meeting. Take some preventive measures. The night before, make a list of everything you'll need for the gathering. Before you sit down at the conference table, go for a quick walk outside-10 minutes or so. Or do a small good deed for a colleague-buy him a coffee or help him carry some boxes-which will boost your mood. During the meeting, be extra vigilant. For instance, if someone asks you a question, repeat it before you answer to make sure you've gotten it right.

2. Work the margins.

Even if you can't control the big things, you might still be able to shape the little things. If you're a lark or a third bird and happen to have a free hour in the morning, don't fritter it away on e-mail. Spend those sixty minutes doing your most important work. Try managing up, too. Gently tell your boss when you work best. but put it in terms of what's good for the organization. ("I get the most done on the big project you assigned me during the mornings-so maybe I should attend fewer meetings before noon.") And start small. You've heard of "casual Fridays." Maybe suggest "chronotype Fridays," one Friday a month when everyone can work at their preferred schedule. Or perhaps declare your own chronotype Friday. Finally, take advantage of those times when you do have control over your schedule. On weekends or holidays, craft a schedule that maximizes the synchrony effect. For example, if you're a lark and you're writing a novel, get up early, write until 1 p.m., and save your grocery shopping and dry-cleaning pickup for the after-noon.

When To Exercise: The Ultimate Guide

I've focused mostly on the emotional and cognitive aspects of our lives. But what about the physical? In particular, what's the best time to exercise? The answer depends in part on your goals. Here's a simple guide, based on exercise research, to help you decide. Exercise in the morning to:

Lose weight: When we first wake up, having not eaten for at least 8 hours, our blood sugar is low. Since we need blood sugar to fuel a run, morning exercise will use the far stored in our tissues to supply the energy we need. (When we exercise after eating, we use the energy from the food we've just consumed.) In many cases, morning exercise may burn 20 percent more far than later, post-food workouts.

Boost mood: Cardio workouts-swimming, running, even walking the dog can elevate mood. When we exercise in the morning, we enjoy these effects all day. If you wait to exercise until the evening, you'll end up sleeping through some of the good feelings.

Keep to your routine: Some studies suggest that we're more likely to adhere to our workout routine when we do it in the morning. So if you find yourself struggling to stick with a plan, morning exercise, especially if you enlist a regular partner, can help you form a habit.

Build strength: Our physiology changes throughout the day. One example: the hormone testosterone, whose levels peak in the morning. Testosterone helps build muscle, so if you're doing weight training, schedule your workout for those early-morning hours.

Exercise in the late afternoon or evening to:

Avoid injury: When our muscles are warm, they're more elastic and less prone to injury. That's why they call what we do at the beginning of our workout a "warm-up." Our body temperature is low when we first wake up, rises steadily through-out the day, and peaks in the late afternoon and early evening. That means that in later-in-the-day workouts our muscles are warmer and injuries are less common.

Perform your best: Working out in the afternoons not only means that you're less likely to get injured, it also helps you sprint faster and lift more. Lung function is highest this time of the day, so your circulation system can distribute more oxygen and nutrients. This is also the time of day when strength peaks, reaction time quickens, hand-eye coordination sharpens, and heart rate and blood pressure drop. These factors make it a great time to put on your best athletic performance. In fact, a disproportionate number of Olympic records, especially in running and swimming, are set in the late afternoon and early evening.

Enjoy the workout a bit more: People typically perceive that they're exerting themselves a little less in the afternoon even if they're doing exactly the same exercise routine as in the morning. This suggests that afternoons may make workouts a little less taxing on the mind and soul.

4 Tips For A Better Morning

1. Drink a glass of water when you wake up.

How often during a day do you go 8 hours without drinking anything at all? Yet that's what it's like for most of us overnight. Between the water we exhale and the water that evaporates from our skin, not to mention a trip or 2 to the bathroom, we wake up mildly dehydrated. Throw back a glass of water first thing to rehydrate, control early morning hunger pangs, and help you wake up.

2. Don't drink coffee immediately after you wake up.

The moment we awaken, our bodies begin producing cortisol, a stress hormone that kick-starts our groggy souls. But it turns out that caffeine interferes with the production of cortisol so starting the day immediately with a cup of coffee barely boosts our wakefulness. Worse, early-morning coffee increases our tolerance for caffeine, which means we must gulp ever more to obtain its benefits. The better approach is to drink that first cup an hour or 90 minutes after waking up, once our cortisol production has peaked and the caffeine can do its magic. If you're looking for an afternoon boost, head to the coffee shop between about 2 p.m. and 4 p.m., when cortisol levels dip again.

3. Soak up the morning sun.

If you feel sluggish in the morning, get as much sunlight as you can. The sun, unlike most lightbulbs, emits light that covers a wide swath of the color spectrum. When these extra wavelengths hit your eyes, they signal your brain to stop producing sleep hormones and start producing alertness hormones.

4. Schedule talk-therapy appointments for the morning.

Research in the emerging field of psychoneuroendocrinology has shown that therapy sessions may be most effective in the morning. The reason goes back to cortisol. Yes, it's a stress hormone. But it also enhances learning. During therapy sessions in the morning, when cortisol levels are highest, patients are more focused and absorb advice more deeply.

2. Afternoons and Coffee Spoons

Make A Break List

You probably have a to-do list. Now it's time to create a "break list," give it equal attention, and treat it with equal respect. Each day, alongside your list of tasks to complete, meetings to attend, and deadlines to hit, make a list of the breaks you're going to take.

Start by trying 3 breaks per day. List when you're going to take those breaks, how long they're going to last, and what you're going to do in each. Even better, put the breaks into your phone or computer calendar so one of those annoying pings will remind you.

Remember: What gets scheduled gets done.

How To Take A Perfect Nap

As I explained, I've discovered the errors in my napping ways and have learned the secrets of a perfect nap. Just follow these 5 steps:

1. Find your afternoon trough time. The Mayo Clinic says that the best time for a nap is between 2 p.m. and 3 p.m. You'll likely see a consistent block of time when things begin to go south, which for many people is about 7 hours after waking. This is your optimal nap time.

2. Create a peaceful environment. Turn off your phone notifications you've got a door, close it. If you've got a couch, use it. To insulate yourself from sound and light, try earplugs or headphones and an eye mask.

3. Down a cup of coffee. Seriously. The most efficient nap is the nappuccino. The caffeine won't fully engage in your bloodstream for about 25 minutes, so drink up right before you lie down. If you're not a coffee drinker, search online for an alternative drink that provides about 200 milligrams of caffeine. (If you avoid caffeine, skip this step. Also reconsider your life choices.)

4. Set a timer on your phone for 25 minutes. If you nap for more than about a half hour, sleep inertia takes over and you need extra time to recover. If you nap for less than 5 minutes, you don't get much benefit. But naps between 10 and 20 minutes measurably boost alertness and mental function, and don't leave you feeling even sleepier than you were before. Since it takes most people about 7 minutes to nod off, the 25-minute countdown clock is ideal. And, of course, when you wake up, the caffeine is beginning to kick in.

5. Repeat consistently. There's some evidence that habitual nappers get more from their naps than infrequent nappers. So if you have the flexibility to take a regular afternoon nap, consider making it a common ritual. If you don't have the flexibility, then pick days when you're really dipping when you haven't gotten enough sleep the night before or the stress and demands of the day are weightier than usual. You'll feel a difference.

5 Kinds Of Restorative Breaks: A Menu

You now understand the science of breaks and why they're so effective in both combatting the trough and boosting your mood and performance. You've even got a break list ready to go. But what sort of break should you take? There's no right answer. Just choose one from the following menu or combine a few, see how they go, and design the breaks that work best for you:

1. Micro-breaks - A replenishing break need not be lengthy. Even breaks that last a minute or less-what researchers call "micro-breaks" can pay dividends.2 Consider these:

The 20-20-20 rule-Before you begin a task, set a timer. Then, every 20 minutes, look at something 20 feet away for 20 seconds. If you're working at a computer, this micro-break will rest your eyes and improve your posture, both of which can fight fatigue.

Hydrate-You might already have a water bottle. Get a much smaller one. When it runs out and of course it will, because of its size-walk to the water fountain and refill it. It's a threefer: hydration, motion, and restoration.

Wiggle your body to reset your mind-One of the simplest breaks of all: Stand up for 60 seconds, shake your arms and legs, flex your muscles, rotate your core, sit back down.

2. Moving breaks-Most of us sit too much and move too little. So build more movement into your breaks. Some options:

Take a 5-minute walk every hour-As we have learned, 5-minute walk breaks are powerful. They're feasible for most people. And they're especially useful during the trough.

Office yoga-You can do yoga poses right at your desk-chair rolls, wrist releases, forward folds to relieve tension in your neck and lower back, limber up your typing fingers, and relax your shoulders. This may not be for everyone, but anyone can give it a try. Just stick "office yoga" into a search engine.

Push-ups-Yeah, push-ups. Do 2 a day for a week. Then 4 a day for the next week and 6 a day a week after that. You'll boost your heart rate, shake off cognitive cobwebs, and maybe get a little stronger.

3. Nature break-This might sound tree hugger-y, but study after study has shown the replenishing effects of nature. What's more, people consistently underestimate how much better nature makes them feel. Choose:

Walk outside If you've got a few minutes and are near a local park, take a lap through it. If you work at home and have a dog, take Fido for a walk.

Go outside If there are trees and a bench behind your building, sit there instead of inside.

Pretend you're outside-If the best you can do is look at some indoor plants or the trees outside your window-well, research suggests that will help, too.

4. Social break-Don't go it alone. At least not always. Social breaks are effective, especially when you decide the who and how. A few ideas:

Reach out and touch somebody-Call someone you haven't talked to for a while and just catch up for 5 or 10 minutes. Reawakening these "dormant ties" is also a great way to strengthen your network. Or use the moment to say thank you-via a note, an e-mail, or a quick visit to someone who's helped you. Gratitude-with its mighty combination of meaning and social connection is a mighty restorative.

Schedule it-Plan a regular walk or visit to a coffee joint or weekly gossip session with colleagues you like. A fringe benefit of social breaks is that you're more likely to take one if someone else is counting on you. Or go Swedish and try what Swedes call a fika a full-fledged coffee break that is the supposed key to Sweden's high levels of employee satisfaction and productivity.

Don't schedule it-If your schedule is too tight for something regular, buy someone a coffee one day this week. Bring it to her. Sit and talk about something other than work for 5 minutes.

5. Mental gear-shifting break-Our brains suffer fatigue just as much as our bodies do-and that's a big factor in the trough. Give your brain a break by trying these:

Meditate Meditation is one of the most effective breaks-and micro-breaks of all. Check out material from UCLA, which offers guided meditations as short as 3 minutes.

Controlled breathing-Have 45 seconds? Then, as the New York Times explains: "Take a deep breath, expanding your belly. Pause. Exhale slowly to the count of 5. Repeat 4 times."" It's called controlled breathing, and it can tamp your stress hormones, sharpen your thinking, and maybe even boost your immune system-all in under a minute.

Lighten up-Listen to a comedy podcast. Read a joke book. If you can find a little privacy, put on your headphones and jam out for a song or 2. There's even evidence from one study on the replenishing effects of watching dog videos. (No, really.)

Create Your Own Time-Out And Trough Checklist

Sometimes it's not possible to pull completely away from an important task or project to take a restorative break. When you and your team need to plow forward and get a job done even if you're in the trough, that's when it's time for a vigilance break that combines a time-out with a checklist.

Here's how to plan it:

If you have a task or project that will need your continued vigilance and focus even through the trough, find a stage in the middle of that task to schedule a time-out. Plan for that time-out by creating a trough checklist modeled on the lime-green cards used at the University of Michigan Medical Center.

For example, suppose your team needs to get a major proposal out the door by 5 p.m. today. No one can afford to step outside and take a walk. Instead, schedule a time-out 2 hours before the deadline for everyone to gather. Your checklist might read:

  1. Everyone stops what they are doing, takes a step backward, and draws a deep breath.
  2. Each team member takes 30 seconds to report on their progress.
  3. Each team member takes 30 seconds to describe their next step.
  4. Each team member answers this question: What are we missing?
  5. Assign who will address the missing pieces.
  6. Schedule another time-out, if necessary.

Pause Like A Pro

Anders Ericsson is "the world expert on world experts." A psychologist who studies extraordinary performers, Ericsson found that elite performers have something in common: They're really good at taking breaks.

Most expert musicians and athletes begin practicing in earnest around 9 o'clock in the morning, hit their peak during the late morning, break in the afternoon, and then practice for a few more hours in the evening. For example, the practice pattern of the most accomplished violinists looks like this:

The most accomplished violinists practice a lot in the morning, take off the afternoon, and practice a little more in the evening.

In Ericsson's study, one factor that distinguished the best from the rest is that they took complete breaks during the afternoon (many even napped as part of their routine), whereas nonexperts were less rigorous about pauses. We might think that superstars power straight through the day for hours on end. In fact, they practice with intense focus for 45 to 90 minute bursts, then take meaningful restorative breaks.

You can do the same. Pause like a pro and you might become one.

Give Kids A Break: The Hardheaded Case For Recess

Schools are getting tough. Especially in the United States, they are embracing high-stakes testing, strict evaluations of teachers, and a tough-minded approach to accountability. Some of these measures make sense, but the war on weakness has produced a major casualty: recess.

Some 40% of U.S. schools (particularly schools with large numbers of low-income students of color) have eliminated recess or combined it with lunch. With futures on the line, the thinking goes, schools can't afford the frivolity of playtime. For example, in 2016 the New Jersey legislature passed a bipartisan bill requiring merely 20 minutes of recess each day for grades kindergarten to 5 in the state's schools. But Governor Chris Christie vetoed it, explaining in language reminiscent of a schoolyard, "That was a stupid bill."

All this supposed toughness is wrongheaded. Breaks and recess are not deviations from learning. They are part of learning.

Years of research show that recess benefits schoolchildren in just about every realm of their young lives. Kids who have recess work harder, fidget less, and focus more intently. They often earn better grades than those with fewer recesses. They develop better social skills, show greater empathy, and cause fewer disruptions. They even eat healthier food. In short, if you want kids to flourish, let them leave the classroom.

What can schools do to take advantage of recess? Here are 6 pieces of guidance:

1. Schedule recess before lunch. A 15-minute break suffices, and it's the most helpful time for kids' concentration. It also makes them hungrier, so they eat better at lunch.

2. Go minimalist. Recess doesn't have to be tightly structured, nor does it need specialized equipment. Kids derive benefits from negotiating their own rules.

3. Don't skimp. In Finland, a nation with one of the world's highest-performing school systems, students get a 15-minute break every hour. Some U.S. schools for instance, Eagle Mountain Elementary School in Fort Worth, Texas have followed the Finnish lead and increased learning by offering 4 recesses each day for younger students.

4. Give teachers a break. Schedule recesses in shifts so teachers can alternate monitoring duties with breaks for themselves.

5. Don't replace physical education. Structured PE is a separate part of learning, not a substitute for recess.

6. Every kid, every day. Avoid using the denial of recess as a punishment. It's essential to every kid's success, even those who slip up. Ensure that every student gets recess every school day.

PART TWO. BEGINNINGS, ENDINGS, AND IN BETWEEN

3. Beginnings

Avoid a False Start With a Premortem

The best way to recover from a false start is to avoid one in the first place. And the best technique for doing that is something called a "premortem."

You've probably heard of a postmortem-when coroners and physicians examine a dead body to determine the cause of death. A pre-mortem, the brainchild of psychologist Gary Klein, applies the same principle but shifts the exam from after to before.

Suppose you and your team are about to embark on a project. Before the project begins, convene for a premortem. "Assume it's 18 months from now and our project is a complete disaster," you say to your team. "What went wrong?" The team, using the power of prospective hindsight, offers some answers. Maybe the task wasn't clearly defined. Maybe you had too few people, too many people, or the wrong people. Maybe you didn't have a clear leader or realistic objectives. By imagining failure in advance-by thinking through what might cause a false start you can anticipate some of the potential problems and avoid them once the actual project begins.

As it happens, I conducted a premortem before I began this book.

I projected 2 years from the start date and imagined that I'd written a terrible book or, worse, hadn't managed to write a book at all. Where did I go awry? After looking at my answers, I realized I had to be vigilant about writing every day, saying no to every outside obligation so I didn't get distracted, keeping my editor informed of my progress (or lack thereof), and enlisting his help early in untangling any conceptual knots. Then I wrote down the positive versions of these insights-for example, "I worked on the book all morning every morning at least 6 days exceptions" on a card that I posted near my desk. a week with no distractions and no

The technique allowed me to make mistakes in advance in my head rather than in real life on a real project. Whether this particu lar premortem was effective I'll leave to you, dear reader. But I encourage you to try it to avoid your own false starts.

86 Days In The Year When You Can Make A Fresh Start

You've read about temporal landmarks and how we can use them to fashion fresh starts. To help you on that quest for an ideal day to begin that novel or commence training for a marathon, here are 86 days that are especially effective for making a fresh start:

  • The first day of the month (12)
  • Mondays (52)
  • The first day of spring, summer, fall, and winter (4)
  • Your country's Independence Day or the equivalent (1)
  • The day of an important religious holiday-for example, Easter, Rosh Hashanah, Eid al-Fitr (1)
  • Your birthday (1)
  • A loved one's birthday (1)
  • The first day of school or the first day of a semester (2)
  • The first day of a new job (1)
  • The day after graduation (1)
  • The first day back from vacation (2)
  • The anniversary of your wedding, first date, or divorce (3)
  • The anniversary of the day you started your job, the day you became a citizen, the day you adopted your dog or cat, the day you graduated from school or university (4)
  • The day you finish this book (1)

When Should You Go First?

Life isn't always a competition, but it is sometimes a serial competition. Whether you're one of several people interviewing for a job, part of a lineup of companies pitching for new business, or a contestant on a nationally televised singing program, when you compete can be just as important as what you do.

Here, based on several studies, is a playbook for when to go first and when not to:

4 Situations When You Should Go First

  1. If you're on a ballot (county commissioner, prom queen, the Oscars), being listed first gives you an edge. Researchers have studied this effect in thousands of elections from school board to city council, from California to Texas-and voters consistently preferred the first name on the ballot.
  1. If you're not the default choice-for example, if you're pitching against a firm that already has the account you're seeking-going first can help you get a fresh look from the decision-makers.
  1. If there are relatively few competitors (say, 5 or fewer), going first can help you take advantage of the "primacy effect," the tendency people have to remember the first thing in a series better than those that come later.
  1. If you're interviewing for a candidates, you might gain an job and you're up against several strong edge from being first. Uri Simonsohn and Francesca Gino examined more than 9,000 MBA admissions interviews and found that interviewers often engage in "narrow bracketing" assuming small sets of candidates represent the entire field. So if they encounter several strong applicants early in the process, they might more aggressively look for flaws in the later ones.

4 Situations When You Should Not Go First

  1. If you are the default choice, don't go first. Recall from the previous chapter: Judges are more likely to stick with the default late in the day (when they're fatigued) rather than early or after a break (when they're revived).
  1. If there are many competitors (not necessarily strong ones, just a large number of them), going later can confer a small advantage and going last can confer a huge one. In a study of more than 1,500 live Idol performances in 8 countries, researchers found that the singer who performed last advanced to the next round roughly 90% of the time. An almost identical pattern occurs in elite figure skating and even in wine tastings. At the beginning of competitions, judges hold an idealized standard of excellence, say social psychologists Adam Galinsky and Maurice Schweitzer. As the competition proceeds, a new, more realistic baseline develops, which favors later competitors, who gain the added advantage of seeing what others have done.
  1. If you're operating in an uncertain environment, not being first can work to your benefit. If you don't know what the decision-maker expects, letting others proceed could allow the criteria to sharpen into focus both for the selector and you.
  1. If the competition is meager, going toward the end can give you an edge by highlighting your differences. "If it was a weak day with many bad candidates, it's a really good idea to go last," says Simonsohn.

4 Tips For Making A Fast Start In A New Job

You've read about the perils of graduating in a recession. We can't do much to avoid that fate. But whenever we begin job-in a recession or a boom-we can influence how much we enjoy the job and how well we do. With that in mind, here are 4 research-backed recommendations for how to make a fast start in a new job.

1. Begin before you begin.

Executive advisor Michael Watkins recommends picking a specific day and time when you visualize yourself "transforming" into your new role. It's hard to get a fast start when your self-image is stuck in the past. By mentally picturing yourself "becoming" a new person even before you enter the front door, you'll hit the carpet running. This is especially true when it comes to leadership roles. According to former Harvard professor Ram Charan, one of the toughest transitions lies in going from a specialist to a generalist." So as you think about your new role, don't forget to see how it connects to the bigger picture. For one of the ultimate new jobs-becoming president of the United States-research has shown that one of the best predictors of presidential success is how early the transition began and how effectively it was handled.

2. Let your results do the talking.

A new job can be daunting because it requires establishing yourself in the organization's hierarchy. Many individuals overcompensate for their initial nervousness and assert themselves too quickly and too soon. That can be counterproductive. Research from UCLA's Corinne Bendersky suggests that over time extroverts lose status in groups. So, at the outset, concentrate on a few meaningful achievements, and once you've gained status by demonstrating excellence, feel free to be more accomplishing assertive.

3. Stockpile your motivation.

On your first day in a new role, you'll be filled with energy. By day 30? Maybe less so. Motivation comes in spurts-which is why Stanford psychologist B. J. Fogg recommends taking advantage of "motivation waves" so you can weather "motivation troughs." If you're a new salesman, use motivation waves to set up leads, organize calls, and master new techniques. During troughs, you'll have the luxury of working at your core role without worrying about less interesting peripheral tasks.

4. Sustain your morale with small wins.

Taking a new job isn't exactly like recovering from an addiction, but programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous do offer some guidance. They don't order members to embrace sobriety forever but instead ask them to succeed "24 hours at a time," something Karl Weick noted in his seminal work on "small wins." Harvard professor Teresa Amabile concurs. After examining 12,000 daily diary entries by several hundred workers, she found that the single largest motivator was making progress in meaningful work. Wins needn't be large to be meaningful. When you enter a new role, set up small "high-probability" targets and celebrate when you hit them. They'll give you the motivation and energy to take on more daunting challenges further down the highway.

When Should You Get Married?

One of the most important beginnings many of us make in life is getting married. I'll leave it to others to recommend whom you should marry. But I can give you some guidance about when to tie the knot. The science of timing doesn't provide definitive answers, but it does offer 3 general guidelines:

1. Wait until you're old enough (but not too old).

It's probably no surprise that people who marry when they're very young are more likely to divorce. For instance, an American who weds at 25 is 11% less likely to divorce than one who marries at age 24, according to an analysis by University of Utah sociologist Nicholas Wolfinger. But waiting too long has a downside. Past the age of about 32-even after controlling for religion, education, geographic location, and other factors the odds of divorce increase by 5% per year for at least the next decade.

2. Wait until you've completed your education.

Couples tend to be more satisfied with their marriages, and less likely to divorce, if they have more education before the wedding. Consider 2 couples. They're the same age and race, have comparable incomes, and have attended the same total amount of school. Even among these similar couples, the pair who weds after completing school is more likely to stay together.18 So finish as much education as you can before getting hitched.

3. Wait until your relationship matures.

Andrew Francis-Tan and Hugo Mialon at Emory University found that couples that dated for at least one year before marriage to divorce than those who made the were 20% less likely move more quickly. Couples that had dated for more than 3 years were even less likely to split up once they exchanged vows. (Francis-Tan and Mialon also found that the more a couple spent on its wedding and any engagement ring, the more likely they were to divorce.)

In short, for one of life's ultimate when questions, forget the romantics and listen to the scientists. Prudence beats passion.

4. Midpoints

5 Ways To Reawaken Your Motivation During A Midpoint Slump

If you've reached the midpoint of a project or assignment, and the uh-oh effect hasn't kicked in, here are some straightforward, proven ways to dig yourself out of the slump:

1. Set interim goals.

To maintain motivation, and perhaps reignite it, break large projects into smaller steps. In one study that looked at losing weight, running a race, and accumulating enough frequent-flier miles for a free ticket, researchers found that people's motivation was strong at the beginning and end of the pursuit but at the halfway mark became "stuck in the middle." For instance, in the quest to amass 25,000 miles, people were more willing to work hard to accumulate miles when they had 4,000 or 21,000. When they had 12,000, though, diligence flagged. One solution is to get your mind to look at the middle in a different way. Instead of thinking about all 25,000 miles, set a subgoal at the 12,000-mile mark to accumulate 15,000 and make that your focus. In a race, whether literal or metaphorical, instead of imagining your distance from the finish line, concentrate on getting to the next mile marker.

2. Publicly commit to those interim goals.

Once you've set your subgoals, enlist the power of public commitment. We're far more likely to stick to a goal if we have someone holding us accountable. One way to surmount a slump is to tell someone else how and when you'll get something done. Suppose you're halfway through writing a thesis, or designing a curriculum, or crafting your organization's strategic plan. Send out a tweet or post to Facebook saying that you'll finish your current section by a certain date. Ask your followers to check in with you when that time comes. With so many people expecting you to deliver, you'll want to avoid public shame by reaching your subgoal.

3. Stop your sentence midway through.

Ernest Hemingway published 15 books during his lifetime, and one of his favorite productivity techniques was one I've used myself (even to write this book). He often ended a writing session not at the end of a section or paragraph but smack in the middle of a sentence. That sense of incompletion lit a midpoint spark that helped him begin the following day with immediate momentum. One reason the Hemingway technique works is something called the Zeigarnik effect, our tendency to remember unfinished tasks better than finished ones. When you're in the middle of a project, experiment by ending the day partway through a task with a clear next step. It might fuel your day-to-day motivation.

4. Don't break the chain (the Seinfeld technique).

Jerry Seinfeld makes a habit of writing every day. Not just days when he feels inspired every single damn day. To maintain the focus, he prints a calendar with all 365 days of the year. He marks off each day he writes with a big red X. "After a few days, you'll have a chain," he told software developer Brad Isaac. "Just keep at it and the chain will grow longer every day. You'll like seeing that chain, especially when you get a few weeks under your belt. Your only job next is to not break the chain." Imagine feeling the midpoint slump but then looking up at that string of thirty, fifty, or one hundred Xs. You, like Seinfeld, will rise to the occasion.

5. Picture one person your work will help.

To our midpoint-motivation murderer's row of Hemingway and Seinfeld, let's add Adam Grant, the Wharton professor and author of Originals and Give and Take. When he's confronted with tough tasks, he musters motivation by asking himself how what he's doing will benefit other people. The slump of How can I continue? becomes the spark of How can I help? So if you're feeling stuck in the middle of a project, picture one person who'll benefit from your efforts. Dedicating your work to that person will deepen your dedication to your task.

Organize Your Next Project With The Form-Storm-Perform Method

In the 1960s and 1970s, organizational psychologist Bruce Tuckman developed an influential theory of how groups move through time. Tuckman believed that all teams proceeded through 4 stages: forming, storming, norming, and performing. We can combine pieces of Tuckman's model with Gersick's research on team phases to create a 3-phase structure for your next project.

Phase 1: Form and Storm.

When teams first come together, they often enjoy a period of maximal harmony and minimal conflict. Use those early moments. Eventually, though, conflict will break through the sunny skies to develop a shared vision, establish group values, and generate ideas. (That's Tuckman's "storm.") Some personalities may attempt to exert their influence and stifle quieter voices. Some people may contest their responsibilities and roles. As time passes, make sure all participants have a voice, that expectations are clear, and that all members can contribute.

Phase 2: The Midpoint.

For all the Sturm und Drang of phase one, your team probably hasn't accomplished much yet. That was Gersick's key insight. So use the midpoint-and the uh-oh effect it brings-to set direction and accelerate the pace. The University of Chicago's Ayelet Fishbach, whose work on Hanukkah candles I described earlier, has found that when team commitment to achieving a goal is high, it's best to emphasize the work that remains. But when team commitment is low, it's wiser to emphasize progress that has already been made even if it's not massive. Figure out your own team's commitment and move accordingly. As you set the path, remember that teams generally become less open to new ideas and solutions after the midpoint 6 However, they are also the most open to coaching. So channel your inner Dean Smith, explain that you're a little behind, and galvanize action.

Phase 3: Perform.

At this point, team members are motivated, confident about achieving the goal, and generally able to work together with minimal friction. Keep the progress going but be wary of regressing back to the "storm" stage. Let's say you're part of a car-design team where different designers generally get along but are starting to become hostile to one another. To maintain optimal performance, ask your colleagues to step back, respect one another's roles, and reemphasize the shared vision they are moving toward. Be willing to shift tactics, but in this stage, direct your focus squarely on execution.

5 Ways To Combat A Midlife Slump

Author and University of Houston professor Brené Brown offers a wonderful definition of "midlife." She says it's the period "when the Universe grabs your shoulders and tells you 'I'm not fing around, use the gifts you were given." Since most of us will someday contend with the U-curve of well-being, here are some ways to respond when the universe grabs your shoulders but you're not quite ready.

1. Prioritize your top goals (the Buffett technique).

As billionaires go, Warren Buffett seems like a pretty good guy. He's pledged his multibillion-dollar fortune to charity. He maintains a modest lifestyle. And he continues to work hard well into his eighties. But the Oracle of Omaha also turns out to be oracular in dealing with the midlife slump.

As legend has it, one day Buffett was talking with his private pilot, who was frustrated that he hadn't achieved all he'd hoped. Buffett prescribed a 3-step remedy.

First, he said, write down your top 25 goals for the rest of your life.

Second, look at the list and circle your top 5 goals, those that unquestionably your highest priority. That will give you 2 lists-one with your top 5 goals, the other with the next 20.

Third, immediately start planning how to achieve those top 5 goals. And the other 20? Get rid of them. Avoid them at all costs. Don't even look at them until you've achieved the top 5. which might take a long time.

Doing a few important things well is far more likely to propel you out of the slump than a dozen half-assed and half-finished projects are.

2. Develop midcareer mentoring within your organization.

Most career mentorship happens when people are new to a field or business, and then disappears, fueled by the belief that we're fully established and no longer need guidance.

Hannes Schwandt of the University of Zurich says that's a mistake. He suggests providing formal, specific mentorship for employees throughout their career. This has 2 benefits. First, it recognizes that the U-shaped curve of well-being is something most of us encounter. Talking openly about the slump can help us realize that it's fine to experience some midcareer ennui.

Second, more experienced employees can offer strategies for dealing with the slump. And peers can offer guidance to one another. What have people done to reinject purpose into their work? How have they built meaningful relationships in the office and beyond?

3. Mentally subtract positive events.

In the mathematics of midlife, sometimes subtraction is more powerful than addition. In 2008 4 social psychologists borrowed from the movie It's a Wonderful Life to suggest a novel technique based on that idea.

Begin by thinking about something positive in your life-the birth of a child, your marriage, a spectacular career achievement. Then list all the circumstances that made it possible-perhaps a seemingly insignificant decision of where to eat dinner one night or a class you decided to enroll in on a whim or the friend of a friend of a friend who happened to tell you about a job opening.

Next, write down all the events, circumstances, and decisions that might never have happened. What if you didn't go to that party or chose another class or skipped coffee with your cousin? Imagine your life without that chain of events and, more important, without that huge positive in your life.

Now return to the present and remind yourself that life did go your way. Consider the happy, beautiful randomness that brought that person or opportunity into your life. Breathe a sigh of relief. Shake your head at your good fortune. Be grateful. Your life may be more wonderful than you think.

4. Write yourself a few paragraphs of self-compassion.

We're often more compassionate toward others than we are toward ourselves. But the science of what's called "self-compassion" is showing that this bias can harm our well-being and undermine resilience. That's why people who research this topic increasingly recommend practices like the following.

Start by identifying something about yourself that fills you with regret, shame, or disappointment. (Maybe you were fired from a job, flunked a class, undermined a relationship, ruined your finances.) Then write down some specifics about how it makes you feel.

Then, in 2 paragraphs, write yourself an e-mail expressing compassion or understanding for this element of your life. Imagine an what someone who cares about you might say. He would likely be more forgiving than you. Indeed, University of Texas professor Kristin Neff suggests you write your letter "from the perspective of unconditionally loving imaginary friend." But mix understanding with action, Add a few sentences on what changes you can make to your life and how you can improve in the future. A self-compassion letter operates like the converse corollary of the Golden Rule: It offers a way to treat yourself as you would others.

5. Wait.

Sometimes the best course of action is ... inaction. Yes, that can feel agonizing, but no move can often be the right move. Slumps are normal, but they're also short-lived. Rising out of them is as natural as falling into them. Think of it as if it were a cold: It's a nuisance, but eventually it'll go away, and when it does, you'll barely remember it.

5. Endings

Read Last Lines

"In the late summer of that year we lived in a house in a village that looked across the river and the plain to the mountains."

The literary among you might recognize these words as the first sentence of Ernest Hemingway's A Farewell to Arms. In literature, opening lines bear a mighty burden. They must hook the reader and lure her into the book. That's why opening lines are heavily scrutinized and long remembered.

But what about last lines? The final words of a work are just as important and deserve comparable reverence. Last lines can elevate and encode by encapsulating a theme, resolving a question, leaving the story lingering in the reader's head. Hemingway said that he rewrote the ending to A Farewell to Arms no fewer than 39 times.

One easy way to appreciate the power of endings and improve your own ability to create them: Take some of your favorite books off the shelf and flip to the end. Read the last line. Read it again. Ponder it for a moment. Maybe even memorize it.

Here are some of my favorites to get you started:

"The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig again; but already it was impossible to say which was which." - Animal Farm, George Orwell

"It isn't fair, it isn't right,' Mrs. Hutchinson screamed, and then they were upon her." - The Lottery, Shirley Jackson

"For now he knew what Shalimar knew: If you surrendered to the air, you could ride it." -Song of Solomon, Toni Morrison

"In a place far away from anyone or anywhere, I drifted off for a moment." - The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, Haruki Murakami

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." - The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald

And that last sentence of A Farewell to Arms the one Hemingway finally settled on? "After a while I went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain."

When To Quit A Job: A Guide

Many "when" decisions involve endings. And one of the biggest when to leave a job that just isn't working out. That's a big step, a risky move, and not always a choice for some people. But if you contemplating this option, here are 5 questions to help you decide. If your answer to 2 or more of these is no, it might be time to craft an end.

1. Do you want to be in this job on your next work anniversary?

People are most likely to leave a job on their 1-year work anniversary. The second most likely time? Their 2-year anniversary. The third? Their 3-year anniversary. You get the idea. If you dread the thought of being at your job on your next work anniversary, start looking now. You'll be better prepared when the time comes.

2. Is your current job both demanding and in your control?

The most fulfilling jobs share a common trait: They prod us to work at our highest level but in a way that we, not someone else, control. Jobs that are demanding but don't offer autonomy burn us out. Jobs that offer autonomy but little challenge bore us. (And jobs that are neither demanding nor in our control are the worst of all.) If your job doesn't provide both challenge and autonomy, and there's nothing you can do to make things better, consider a move.

3. Does your boss allow you to do your best work?

In his excellent book Good Boss, Bad Boss: How to Be the Best and Learn from the Worst, Stanford Graduate School of Business professor Robert Sutton explains the qualities that make someone worth working for. If your boss has your back, takes responsibility instead of blaming others, encourages your efforts but also gets out of your way, and displays a sense of humor rather than a raging temper, you're probably in a good place. If your boss is the opposite, watch out and maybe get out.

4. Are you outside the 3-5 year salary bump window?

One of the best ways to boost your pay is to switch organizations. And the best time to do that is often 3-5 years after you've started. ADP, the massive human resources management company, found that this period represents the sweet spot for pay increases. Fewer than 3 years might be too little time to develop the most marketable skills. More than 5 years is when employees start becoming tied to their company and moving up its leadership ranks, which makes it more difficult to start somewhere else.

5. Does your daily work align with your long-term goals?

Ample research from many countries shows that when your individual goals align with those of your organization, you're happier and more productive. So take a moment and list your top 2 or 3 goals for the next 5 years and 10 years. If your current employer can help you reach them, great. If not, think about an ending.

When To Quit A Marriage: A Hedge

When should you get divorced? This kind of ending is too fraught, the research too sprawling, the circumstances of people's lives too varied to offer a definitive answer. But some research indicates when your spouse might make the move.

Julie Brines and Brian Serafini analyzed 14 years of divorce filings in the state of Washington and detected a distinct seasonal rhythm. Divorce filings spiked in the months of March and August, a pattern that they later found in 4 other states and that gave rise to a chart, shown on the next page, that resembles the Bat-Signal.

The reasons for the 2 monthly peaks aren't clear. But Brines and others speculate that the twin peaks may be forged by domestic rituals and family calendars. "The high season for divorce attorneys is January and February, when the holidays are over and people can finally stop pretending to be happy," says Bloomberg Businessweek.

Over the winter holidays, spouses often give a marriage one last try. But when the festivities end and disillusionment descends, they visit a divorce lawyer. Since contested divorces require some work, the papers aren't filed until 4 to 6 weeks later, which explains the March burst. The same thing might happen at the end of the school year. Parents keep it together for the kids. But once school is out, they head to the lawyer's office in June and July, resulting in another filing spike in August. Consider yourself warned.

4 Areas Where You Can Create Better Endings

If we're conscious of the power of closing moments and our ability to shape them, we can craft more memorable and meaningful endings in many realms of life. Here are 4 ideas:

The workday

When the workday ends, many of us want to tear away to pick up children, race home to prepare dinner, or just beeline to the nearest bar. But the science of endings suggests that instead of fleeing we're better off reserving the final 5 minutes of work for a few small deliberate actions that bring the day to a fulfilling close. Begin by taking 2 or 3 minutes to write down what you accomplished since the morning. Making progress is the single largest day-to-day motivator on the job. But without tracking our "dones," we often don't know whether we're progressing. Ending the day by recording what you've achieved can encode the entire day more positively. (Testimonial: I've been doing this for 4 years and I swear by the practice. On good days, the exercise delivers feelings of completion; on bad days, it often shows me I got more done than I suspected.)

Now use the other 2 or 3 minutes to lay out your plan for the following day. This will help close the door on today and energize you for tomorrow.

Bonus: If you've got an extra minute left, send someone-anyone-a thank-you e-mail. I mentioned in chapter 2 that gratitude is a powerful restorative. It's an equally powerful form of elevation.

The semester or school year

At the end of a school term, many students feel a sense of relief. But with a little thought and planning, they can also experience sense of elevation. That's why some inspired teachers are using endings as meaning makers. For example, Anthony Gonzalez, an economics teacher at Nazareth Academy outside of Chicago, has his seniors write a letter to themselves which he mails to them 5 years later. "In it, they include wisdom from high school, guesses on careers, pay, what adventures they hope to go on, stock prices, and so on. It's a very cool opportunity for them to reflect." And it's a good way for Gonzalez to reconnect with them when they're 23 and high school is a distant memory.

At North High School in Des Moines, Iowa, choir teacher Vanessa Brady enlists her husband, Justin, on the last day of school to bring in griddles, butter, syrup, and his homemade pancake batter for an end-of-the-year Pancake Day.

For the last class of a term, Alecia Jioeva, who teaches at Lomonosov Moscow State University in Russia, takes her students to a small restaurant where they offer toasts to one another.

At the beginning of the school year, Beth Pandolpho, a language arts teacher at West Windsor-Plainsboro High School North in New Jersey, asks her students to write 6-word memoirs that she hangs on a clothesline stretched around the perimeter of the classroom. At the end of the year, students write another 6-word memoir. They read the earlier memoir aloud, remove it from the clothesline, and then read the new one. "To me," Pandolpho says, "it feels a little bit like bringing our time together full circle."

A vacation

How a vacation ends shapes the stories we later tell about the experience. As University of British Columbia psychologist Elizabeth Dunn explained to New York magazine, "[T]he very end of an experience seems to disproportionately affect our memory of it," which means that "going out with a bang, going on the hot air balloon or good strategy for whatever on the last day of the trip, could... be a maximizing reminiscence." As you plan your next vacation, you needn't save all the best for last. But you'll enjoy the vacation more, both in the moment and in retrospect, if you consciously create an elevating final experience.

A purchase

For all the words scratched and bellowed about the importance of customer service, we've generally given short shrift to the end of encounters with customers and clients. Yes, some restaurants present guests with free chocolates when servers bring the check. And, yes, at Nordstrom stores, sales associates famously walk out from behind the counter to personally hand customers the purchase they've just made. But imagine if more organizations treated endings with greater respect and creativity. For example, what if at the end of the meal in which the guests have spent above a certain amount, restaurants handed the table a card asking the group to select one of 3 charities that the restaurant will make a small donation to in their name? Or what if someone at a store who's made a major purchase-a computer, an appliance, an expensive item of clothing-departs the establishment past a line of employees saying, "Thank you," and giving that customer a round of applause?

Or what if an author, as an act of gratitude, offered readers something they didn't expect?

Hmmm. Good idea. Let's try that now.

PART THREE. SYNCING AND THINKING

6. Syncing Fast and Slow

7 Ways To Find Your Dwn "Syncher's High"

Coordioordinating and synchronizing with other people is a powerful way to lift your physical and psychological wellbeing. If your life doesn't involve such activities now, here are some ways to find your own syncher's high:

1. Sing in a chorus.

Even if you've never been part of a musical group, singing with others will instantly deliver a boost. For choral meetups around the world, go to https://www.meetup.com/topics/choir/.

2. Run together.

Running with others offers a trifecta of benefits: exercising, socializing, and synching-all in one. Find a running group through websites like the Road Runners Club of America, http://www.rrca org/resources/runners/find-a-running-club.

3. Row crew.

Few activities require such perfect synchrony as team rowing. It's also the complete workout: According to some physiologists, a 2,000-meter race burns as many calories as playing back-to-back full-court basketball games. Find a club at .org/domesticrowing/organizations/findaclub. http://archive.usrowing

4. Dance.

Ballroom and other types of social dancing are all about synchronizing with another person and coordinating movements with music. Find a class near you at https://www.thumbtack.com/k/ballroom-dance-lessons/near-me/.

5. Join a yoga class.

As if you needed to hear one more reason that yoga is good for you, doing it communally may give you a synching high.

6. Flash mob.

For something more adventurous than social dancing and more boisterous than yoga, consider a flash mob-a lighthearted way for strangers to perform for other strangers. They're usually free. And-surprise-most flash mobs are advertised in advance. More info at http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/5-websites-tells-flash-mob-place -organize/.

7. Cook in tandem.

Cooking, eating, and cleaning up by yourself can be a drag. But doing it together requires synchronization and can deliver uplift (not to mention a decent meal). Find tandem-cooking tips at https://www.acouplecooks.com/menu-for-a-cooking-date-tips-for-cooking-together/.

Ask These 3 Questions, Then Keep Asking Them

Once a group is operating in synch, members' jobs aren't done. Group coordination doesn't abide by the set-it-and-forget-it logic of the Crock-Pot. It requires frequent stirring and a watchful eye. That means to maintain a well-timed group you should regularly once a week or at least once a month-ask these 3 questions:

  1. Do we have a clear boss-whether a person or some external standard-who engenders respect, whose role is unambiguous, and to whom everyone can direct their initial focus?
  1. Are we fostering a sense of belonging that enriches individual identity, deepens affiliation, and allows everyone to synchronize to the tribe?
  1. Are we activating the uplift-feeling good and doing good that is necessary for a group to succeed?

4 Improv Exercises That Can Boost Your Group Timing Skills

Improvisational theater requires not just quick thinking but also great synching. Timing your words and movements with other performers without the aid of a script is far more challenging than it looks to an audience. That's why improv groups practice a variety of timing and coordination exercises. Here, recommended by improv guru Cathy Salit, are 4 that might work for your team:

1. Mirror, Mirror.

Find a partner and face her. Then slowly move your arms or legs or raise your eyebrows or change your facial expression. Your partner's job is to mirror what you do to extend her elbow or arch her eyebrow at the same time and same pace as you. Then switch roles and let her act and you mirror. You can also do this in a larger group. Sit in a circle and mirror whatever you see from anyone else in the circle. "This usually starts subtle and then builds until the entire circle is mirroring itself," Salit says.

2. Mind Meld.

This exercise promotes a more conceptual type of synchronization. Find a partner. You count to 3 together, then each one of you says a word-any word you want-at the same time. Suppose you say "banana" and your partner says "bicycle." Now you both count to 3 and utter a word that somehow connects the 2 previous words. In this case, you both might say "seat." Mind meld! But if the 2 of you offer different words, which is far more likely-suppose one says "store" and the other "wheel" then the process repeats, counting to 3 and saying a word that connects "store" and "wheel." Did you both come up with the same word? (I'm thinking "cart"-how about you?) If not, continue until you both say the same word. It's harder than it sounds, but it really builds your mental coordination muscles.

3. Pass the Clap.

This is a classic improv warm-up exercise. Form a circle. The first person turns to his right and makes eye contact with the second person. Then they both clap at the same time. Next, person number 2 turns to her right, makes eye contact with person number 3, and those 2 clap in unison. (That is, number 2 can passes the clap to number 3.) Then number 3 continues the process. As the clap passes from person to person, somebody decide to reverse the direction by clapping back" instead of turning and passing it on. Then anyone else can reverse direction again. The goal is to focus on synching with just one person, which helps the entire group coordinate and pass around an invisible object.

Search "pass the clap on YouTube to see the exercise in action. And while you await your search results, perhaps think of a name for this technique that elicits fewer snickers.

4. Beastie Boys Rap.

Named for the hip-hop group, this group game requires individuals to establish a structure that helps others act in unison. The first person raps a line that follows a particular structure of stressed and unstressed beats. The Improv Resource Center wiki (https://wiki.improvresourcecenter.com) uses this example: "LIVing at HOME is SUCH a DRAG." The rest of the group then follows with this refrain: "YAH buh-buh-BAH buh-BAH buh-BAH ВАН!" Then each subsequent person offers a new line, pausing a bit before the final word so the entire group says it together. To continue this example:

Person 2: "I always pack my lunch in the same brown BAG."

Group: "YAH buh-buh-BAH buh-BAH buh-BAH BAH!"

Person 3: "I like to take a nap on carpet made of SHAG."

Group: "YAH buh-buh-BAH buh-BAH buh-BAH BAH!"

To be clear: Not everyone will instantly warm to all these exercises, but sometimes you've got to fight for your right to synchronize.

4 Techniques For Promoting Belonging In Your Group

1. Reply quickly to e-mail.

When I asked Congressional Chorus artistic director David Simmons what strategies he used to promote belonging, his answer surprised me. "You reply to their e-mails," he said. The research backs up Simmons's instincts.

E-mail response time is the single best predictor of whether employees are satisfied with their boss, according to research by Duncan Watts, a Columbia University sociologist who is now a principal researcher for Microsoft Research. The longer it takes for a boss to respond to their e-mails, the less satisfied people are with their leader.

2. Tell stories about struggle.

One way that groups cohere is through storytelling. But the stories your group tells should not only be tales of triumph. Stories of failure and vulnerability also foster a sense of belongingness. For instance, Gregory Walton of Stanford University has found that for individuals who might feel apart from a group-for instance, women in a predominantly male environment or students of color in a largely white university-these types of stories can be powerful. Simply reading an account of another student whose freshman year didn't go perfectly but who eventually found her place boosted subsequent feelings of belongingness.

3. Nurture self-organized group rituals.

Cohesive and coordinated groups all have rituals, which help fuse identity and deepen belongingness. But not all rituals have equal power, The most valuable emerge from the people in the group, instead of being orchestrated or imposed by those at the top. For rowers, maybe it's a song they all sing during warm-ups. For choir members, maybe's it's a coffee shop where everyone gathers before each rehearsal. As Stanford's Robb Willer has discovered, "Workplace social functions are less effective if initiated by the manager. What's better are worker-established engagements set at times and places that are convenient for the team. "3 Organic rituals, not artificial ones, generate cohesion.

4. Try a jigsaw classroom.

In the early 1970s, social psychologist Elliot Aronson and his graduate students at the University of Texas designed a cooperative learning technique to address racial divisions in the recently integrated Austin public schools. They called it a "jigsaw classroom." And as it slowly took hold in schools, educators realized the technique could promote group coordination of any kind.

Here's how it works.

The teacher divides students into 5-person "jigsaw groups." Then the teacher divides that day's lesson into 5 segments. For instance, if the class is studying the life of Abraham Lincoln, those sections might be Lincoln's childhood, his early political career, his becoming president at the dawn of the U.S. Civil War, his signing of the Emancipation Proclamation, and his assassination. Each student is responsible for researching one of these segments.

The students then go off to study their piece, forming "expert groups" with students from the class's other 5-person groups who share the same assignment. (In other words, all students assigned the Emancipation Proclamation segment meet.) When the research is complete, each student returns to his original jigsaw group and teaches the other 4 classmates.

The key to this learning strategy is structured interdependence. Each student provides a necessary piece of the whole, something essential for everyone else to glimpse the full picture. And each student's success depends on both her own contribution and those of her partners. If you're a teacher, give it a try. But even if your classroom days are far behind you, you can adapt the jigsaw approach to many work environments.